Harry Potter and the Golden Arches
by Joey-Da-Gal
Summary: A comedy version of Harry Potter. Hope not to upset any big fans.Second chapter not so many jokes as first. Probably people won't find it funny. It's up to you.
1. Chapter 1

Harry Potter and the Golden Arches – Part One

"So, it seems Harry Potter has finally completed his quest to find Lord Voldemort, the dark wizard who had killed his parents," Hermione commentated as Harry walked forward. "We have now, after years of searching found him. As Harry, our brave hero, struts forward…"

"My father did not strut, and nor do I" Harry interrupted.

Ron chuckled, this had for some strange reason become Harry's catchphrase since he had said it once to Snape in his third year.

So, Ron, Hermione and Harry (who, like his father, was definitely not strutting) walked towards the golden arches of MacDonald's, Voldemort's current place of work.

They walked into the café and strolled over to the counter.

Ron noticed that written on Voldemort's name badge were the words, 'He who must not be named'. However there was one neat line through this and underneath it were the words 'THE DARK LORD, MUHAHA'.

"Voldemort, we meet again," said Harry.

"So we do Harry Potter. I have longed for this day ever since the time you defeated me 18 years ago. The day on which I would kill you. The number of times my death eaters let you get away, all on my command, because I Lord Voldemort, am going to kill you, once and for all."

"You have a point, Voldemort. If anyone will kill me it will be you. Only unfortunately for you Voldemort, you will die today. You killed my parents, my godfather and everyone else I loved!"

"Excuse me," interrupted Ron. "We're supposed to be your best friends, and you say he has killed everyone close to you!"

"Not now Ron," Harry replied. "Anyway, Voldemort, it is time to duel!"

He pulled out his wand and aimed a petrificus totalus spell at Voldemort. However the spell missed and hit the counter. A women in a blue coat rushed out pulling two young toddlers along with her as Voldemort aimed the Avada Kadavra spell at Harry. It hit a large straw dispenser and they spilled out onto the floor. The customers who were sat eating ran through the double doors, carrying half eaten burgers and leftover chicken nuggets with them. Ron and Hermione also went to stand outside and stood watching the duel. Harry aimed an Expelliarmus spell at Voldemort and to his amazement he did not miss. Harry, now in control of both wands aimed another Petrificus Totalus spell but missed and hit a row of burgers. Voldemort, now unarmed, jumped spectacularly over the counter and grabbed a chair. He chucked it at Harry and it caught the edge of his head. Harry felt a drop of blood running down his neck. That was the last straw. Harry raised his wand above his head and shouted.

"AVADA KADAVRA!"

It hit Voldemort and he fell to the floor, dead.

Harry didn't know what to do. He had just killed someone. Not just someone, the Dark Lord himself. He who must not be named was dead. There was now a spare place for a worker at MacDonald's. Harry had killed the person who had killed thousands. Harry could finally get that Saturday job he had always wanted.

Harry was pleased. And not just pleased, ecstatic. He ran into the kitchen of MacDonald's where the chefs were still cooking away and said

"Can I work here please?"

"Of Course you can. We'd be happy to have you."

He ran out of the shop holding three packets of fries. He gave one to each of his friends and kept one for himself.

"Did you do it?" asked Hermione.

"Yes! I got the job!" he replied.

"No, did you kill Voldemort?"

"Oh that, oh yes I did that as well."

So the three friends walked happily back to the train station where they got a train to the Burrow. Harry forgot to go to his job at MacDonald's for at least three weeks. But then he remembered and he is now working there, not strutting, every Saturday.


	2. Chapter 2

Harry Potter and the Golden Arches – Part 2

"Two cheese burgers and 2 regular fries please?" said a brown haired women.

"Do you want fries with that?" Harry asked.

"Well…. Yes, two cheese burgers, two regular fries."

"Yes. But do you want any fries with that?"

"Ok, I want two cheeseburgers."

"Fries with that?"

"Yes, two regulars please."

"Ok, I'll just get that for you." Harry replied and walked into the kitchen to get the food.

When he returned and gave the food to the rather annoyed customer he was shocked to see the person stood behind her.

"Well well Potter. What a surprise to find you here. Some fries please."

Harry walked back into the kitchen to get the fries and then returned to the counter. His customer lunged forward thrusting both hands onto the table, bending his head right down towards Harry. He picked up the chips, lunged backwards and smeared a few of them over his head. Harry realised that this must be where the grease always came from.

Realised who it is yet?

Professor Snape walked out of the shop where he was greeted by a cowering Neville.

"Well Neville, out for a walk in the moonlight are we?"

"No sir, it is not even dark yet. Anyway aren't you meant to say that to Lupin?"

"Yeah well, I haven't seen him in ages, so you will have to do. Goodbye Neville."

Professor Snape walked away, lunging as he went.

"Hey Harry" said Neville as he walked in the door, "Been strutting lately?"

"My father did not strut and nor do I"

"Calm Yourself. Anyway see you."


End file.
